day 3 of stims
I'm up to 3 shots a day - tired of all the poking. Tomorrow I go in for the first real ultrasound - this seems to all be going at a snail's pace. I've done IUI with injectables but somehow this is different. It's like I'm already preparing myself for the end what with thinking about adoption and looking at horses. Want to hang out with childfree people? Many of them are at the stables. They have horses and sporty cars and they are couples who do things TOGETHER like owning a horse and going on trips. But I'm thinking a couple who can be with their horse 4x a week just doesn't have kids at home. Or they have kids with NO after-school activities whatsoever which frankly is non-existent in the my overachieving neck of the woods.
If I psych myself out for failure and then the IVF works will it be more like a real oops pregnancy? Or should I sit and do lots and lots of positive visualization with those moxa sticks and my belly? It's all so abstract and future-oriented. Where is the "be here now" of IVF? The Ram Dass of the hypodermic syringe? The present-mindedness of the subcutaneous shot?
Do you wake up in the morning and embrace your shot-mindedness? Or does it just make you crabby?
Someone should write a book on this. The spirituality of IVF (see Internal Spring's recent Buddha post for more on this).
Whether you go to church or meditate at home, how does spirituality enter into your dealings with ART? not the morality or culture per se but rather your own feelings about being in the process and being a spiritual being.
posted by moi @ 5:07 AM
4 Comments:
My first IVF, I visualized and spoke in positive affirmations and meditated nightly. I even tried to connect with the embryos when they were in the lab trying to fertilize and divided.
My second IVF, I took it down a notch, say 50% of what I was doing before.
My third IVF, I tried to be removed and carry on normally.
The pain of failure gets worse with each try and I don't think that it matters about the zen of IVF but, hey, I'm bitter so ignore me.
A downward dog needle or yoga relaxation mat with pouches for needles and alcohol swabs might sell, so you may be onto something.
I try to do what ever is comforting for me at the time. I have just stumbled my way through the first IVF and it really depended on how I felt day by day. Some days I wanted to do some meditation and yoga, other days it was trashy mags and crap TV. Whatever gets you through.
Under usual circumstances I can handle stress pretty well, at times even getting off on last minute craziness or deadline-pressured work.
But that's only for stuff I can control.
For me this IVF thing has been about control. My losing it. My realizing I may have never had it to begin with.
I do yoga to be able to breath. But I can't really say I'm zen about this process. I find I'm sanest when I'm not thinking about it all.
I usually keep my meditation going and visulisation. Then try to forget about it all during the day. I do some yoga,but not as much as I uaually do. In the end it's hard to say what works and what doesn't. I agree with Pamplemouse, what ever gets you through.
Post a Comment
<< Home