time for book reviews!

In the spirit of taking charge I got several books on infertility – a few quite academic and then some more popular press – I'll try to post reviews as I get through them in the hopes that this might be useful for someone.

So this week I got through two.
First – The Infertility Survival Handbook
by Elizabeth Swire-Falker
This is a very informative and friendly book but a little too "lite" for my liking. She covers all the basics, especially about IVF. She eventually adopted and wished that she had done it much, much earlier and also addresses choosing a child-free life. This would be a great book for someone who had no idea what they were going to go through with ART. Since I've been at this for a while, however, I don't know if it would be my first choice. I found out most of what she talks about on blogs and her conversational, chatty tone made me a little impatient. This would be a great gift for someone who was facing infertility and maybe who didn't have anyone to talk to and/or was uncomfortable talking about the nitty-gritty details. It's more like chick lit than like science but her heart is definitely in the right place and her information is very good.

Second – Infertility and Identity by Devaraux and Hammerman
This book is written for therapists who have to deal with infertile clients. The tone is thus much more academic. I really liked this book even though I am not a therapist and don't wish to replace my therapist. Their investigation and understanding of the scope of infertility and its consequences is thorough, kind and far-reaching. The first idea they raise is to get clients to think beyond infertility as identity, to remember they are much more than that. "…the primary objective of our model is to help clients stop labelling themselves as infertile and integrate the experience of infertility into their whole being, along with all other aspects of their identity"(12). This is scary stuff for some of us but also wisdom with which many veteran bloggers would probably agree. I found myself quite moved by the proposition, even though it seems rather simple. The book emphasizes that therapists need to know about any specific concerns like a history of abuse, addiction, cultural or religious issues, etc. The authors constantly remind therapists that every single situation is different. On this point they also insist that infertile therapists may not make the best therapists for infertile patients because, although sympathetic, they can be blinded by their experience and think it's the ONLY experience of infertility. I say amen to that as well. There really is a wealth of information in this book but it is in clinical-speak so you have to pay attention. At the end of the book they address concerns I had never really thought about, concerns about how infertility never really goes away (another theme we've seen on many blogs). The authors raise issues of how an adoptive couple will deal with their adopted daughter's pregnancy (bet you hadn't thought of that one but it's going to be weird), how people who have accepted and embraced childfree life can be completely thrown off by an unexpected pregnancy, and how deaths and tragedies throughout life will resurrect the grief of infertility and infertility will thus color many life experiences. These authors have thought through so many of the issues – get your therapists to read this book or pick it up yourself if you want a serious read.

tomorrow - baseline ultrasound and writing the big IVF check... here we go!