baby dreams

Okay - mothers and IVf. Do you fill her in? I swore I wasn't going to tell my mother until it was all over with but then she just happened to call the day after the transfer when I was feeling optimistic and so I gave her the gory details. I love my mother and she is an amazing woman in many ways but she's a nudge, and sometimes an oblivious one. (and no I didn't inherit this, I am a very sensitive, never give advice kind of person, ha!). It takes one to know one and I just can't help myself sometimes. So how can she?

She called last night to ask, do I feel pregnant? do I feel anything? Am I doing positive visualization (and thanks to mc's anji rec I can say yes, daily!) and am I relaxing? and "don't freak out if it doesn't work out because you have those frozen ones." Since I am pretty emotional I have a reputation as the family freaker-outer. "Ohhh, don't freak out but.." prefaces many comments from my family to me. And then I freak out or on the other hand you could say I EXPRESS myself while they say la-de-da, let's have a picnic, feelings, what feelings? In my nie on 38 years I have never seen my mother cry or even really scream. I do these two on all odd days of the month with extras for leap years.

Finally my mother asks, "are you having dreams about babies?" This is a new pregnancy symptom I hadn't really thought much about. And lo and behold I fell asleep and did have a baby dream. I had a dark-haired boy (unlikely w/my gene pool) who had a name I didn't like, something fussy like Adair. He was in some sort of NICU (I read way too many blogs and kind of think this is what always happens when babies are born.) However, the NICU was manned by the secretaries from my work (who are only nice to me when their superiors are which is not the case at this time) and they wouldn't let me in unless it was the right hours and they kept him in a filing cabinet and policed my visits so I could never be alone with him. As the dream went on he kind of became my cat but was still a baby, a pretty ugly tiny baby.

Sigmund? Jacques? You got anything for me on this one?

thanks mom now I had a baby dream.

I think part of why my mother is so weird about all of this is that she had quite a few miscarriages (before and after having me) and on some level I think she really, really wants to fix this IF problem for me but just doesn't know how.