hard times
Well it's getting harder and harder to think I might be pregnant. I feel nothing, nothing and I've got another week of waiting. My job situation seems hopeless at this point and I'm not sleeping well thinking I've wasted an awful lot of time on a profession that allows for truly crazy mean behavior. Unfortunately bad news triggers my anxiety/depression that all my positive efforts are for nought.
Additional stress is brought on by the concern that if I'm stressed out then this will be bad for any embryo action - so I lie in bed thinking "be calm" "be calm" "this is never going to work" "be calm" " the world is full of mean and nasty people and they have the power" "be calm..." and then it's 2 am, 3 am and I'm giving myself a headache.
I need a better therapist - mine basically said I'm strong and loving and I'll make it through all the crap. My mother could tell me that. My therapist said my job situation sounds like the Bush administration, mean-spirited people living in alternate realities. And that's not very helpful now is it?
My usually coping method for this sort of gloom and doom is to do crazy yoga poses where if I don't concentrate I'll crack my head open but that probably wouldn't be wise during this 2 week wait. Or I'd go mountain biking but that also seems too excessive.
A friend of mine is having serious surgery for cancer but she feels absolutely fine. She doesn't feel sick at all but the tests have shown there's something amiss. How can our bodies not tell us what is going on?
posted by moi @ 8:58 AM
5 Comments:
I'm sorry the wait is so hard. I am hoping you'll get good news.
I agree that one of the hardest things is not knowing what's going on inside your own body. I think my husband thought I was going crazy one day when I was fantasizing about a kind of viewing window you would be able to open and see what was happening in there. (I haven't figured out all the details yet...)
Hang in there. And yeah, a new therapist might be able to help, too.
Oh I hear you. Every single twitch is loaded with meaning. Are my breasts getting more tender or not? All the advice we hear is that our bodies are amazingly reselient things that tell us exactly what they need if we only bother to listen. But there is a limit to how intensely we can listen. Even holding an ultrasound probe up to it isn't going to tell us anything at this point. And implantation is the thing we have the least say in making happen by good eating habits, yoga etc.
Hang in there!
Yes, please get a new therapist. I've had a bad one and a good one and there is a world of difference between the two.
I hope that you are pregnant, but if you aren't I will give you a virtual cyber hug.
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you.
Hang in there but not literally with your yoga poses! None of that!
May then next week fly by for you! And why not try seeing a different therapist for a few visits, before leaving your old one? It may help confirm whether or not you'd be happier with someone else. Besides, searching for a new therapist might be a good distraction until the 2ww is over.
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